10 Step To Helping Your Teen Deal With Peer Pressure

As mothers of younger children, we think we have seen everything. We have dealt with skinned knees, messy houses, and sibling squabbles. Some day I may write a book on each of these. As you go through these problems, they seem so difficult, so trying. As my kids move towards their teenage years, I now realize that those problems were easy to deal with compared to what lies ahead.

When you are a parent of a young child, almost every problem can be kissed or hugged away, but with a teenager, the problems are much, much bigger!

The issues that face teenagers, drugs, alcohol abuse, teen pregnancy, smoking, aren't quite so easy to solve. These problems need a well thought out plan to address their many complexities.

When our children are young, we spend a great deal of time teaching them "right" from "wrong". We hope that someday these lessons will help them make the right decisions. In many cases they will, but as the issues become more complex, right and wrong aren't always so easy to identify. The following ten steps will help you and your teen create a strategy to deal with the issues surrounding peer pressure when they come up.

1. Who am I really?: One of the biggest things a teen is trying to figure out is who they really are. A lot of the information they use to figure this out comes from other teens. This may not be the best source of information for your teen to use. Spend time talking to your teen. Get the to visualize and verbalize who they want to be and what they believe in. You need to help them really understand what their belief system is and why it is important to them. Then, whenever they have to make a decision, have them ask themselves if their decision fits the picture of who they want to be.

2. Know what you are getting into: Any time your teen leaves the house, make sure that the both of you know what you are getting into. Ask as many questions as you need to until you are both comfortable that your teen will be safe. This is not the time to be shy.

3. Know what questions to ask: Make sure your teen has a good arsenal of questions to ask their friends to find out what will be going on. Who will there? Are there parents there? Will there be alcohol or drugs there? It might be embarrassing the first time for your teen, but make sure they understand that their safety is more important than a slight bit of embarrassment.

4. HELP is just a phone call away!!!!: Your teen may find himself or herself in a situation that they know you would not approve of. Make sure they know that they can call you for help no matter what situation they find themselves in. Your teen needs to feel confident that they can count on you when they need you most.

5. Can you say "No!": Telling their friends "no" can be very difficult for your teen. Practice role playing where you are your teen's friend who is trying to get them to do something they shouldn't. Try everything a teen would like "Come on, everyone is doing it", "Don't be a baby", "Are you scared?". Teach your child how to respond to each of these situations

6. My mom would kill me!: If your teen doesn't want to look un-cool, have them make you the bad guy for not going some where. Most teens can identify with this and will give your teen a pass when this excuse is used.

7. Is that a "real friend"?: Ask your teen to make a list of the characteristics of a friend. Review this list and then ask them why "get me into trouble" or "cause me harm" isn't on their list. When they answer you, point out to them that a real friend would never ask them to do something they were uncomfortable with or will get them in trouble. They should evaluate their friendships through that lens.

8. What is cool?: Ask your teen to make a list of 5 people from the real world that they think are cool. Chances are that they will choose someone from the music or entertainment industry (If the choose you, this is going to be easy). Find out from your teen what about this person is cool. Point out to your teen that these characteristics that your teen thinks are so cool weren't developed by doing what everyone else is doing. Being cool is about doing what you want to do, not following the crowd.

9. Confidence Building 101: Being a parent is hard work. Sometimes it's so easy to get caught up in what isn't right, what isn't getting done that we loose focus on what is right. Our teens need to hear how much we respect them, how much we love them, and how proud we are of them. If they don't get positive reinforcement from us, they will turn to their friends even more. Try bragging about your teen to another parent when your teen can "accidentally overhear you. They will beam!

10. We are family: The best defense you can give your teen against peer pressure is a strong family foundation. Make sure your teen knows they can always count on their family to be there when they need them. Make plenty of time for family fun!

Raising a teen is tough. They are facing some really difficult issues as are you. You will both make mistakes. Make the mistakes out of love, not pride or stubbornness and always be willing to forgive each other.