Tantrums! How To Avoid The Toddler Terrible Two

A toddler of two can be adorable and exasperating a thousand times in a single day. So, is there a way to make this phase of your child less taxing on your nerves?

First of all, don't be fooled by them! Just because they are little, just because they don't talk well, and haven't been around too long, doesn't meant they don't know exactly how to manipulate you to get what they want! Just like anyone else, whatever the age, they will do their best to get the things that they want. And if throwing a temper tantrum or whining, or any other such behavior works to get you to see things their way, then of course they will do it!

So, the best way to deal with such behavior is to treat them like an older child. If they know how to manipulate you, they aren't that small, really. Here are some suggestions:

A. First of all, be very clear in your mind about what is acceptable to you and what is not. Be firm on important points and give in on matters that are not significant.

B. Talk straight in simple language. Say what you mean, but say it effectively, but don't go on repeating it. Once you have made it clear, stick by it.

C. Once you have done that, then follow it up with action,

D. Yes, you can use time out with little ones: but instead of sending them to their room, how about using a "manners chair"? Here is how it works:

Buy a small child's chair and put it in a corner in the room. Whenever your child disobeys your clear instructions purposefully, send him/her to sit in the chair. Use the same words every time you send the child to the chair, so that the chair becomes a reformatory of sorts. For instance, you can say, 'You seem to have lost your good manners again. You had better go and sit in the chair until you find them again.'

When the child obeys you and does what you have said, it is evidence enough that he has found his manners. Get busy doing your chores and don't pay attention to his whining. This will serve a double purpose. You can spend the time catching up with work and he will learn something new.

Some children are very sensitive. So, instead of making it sound like a punishment, you can make it light and playful by offering to help your child to find his manners again. Look under the chair, or in his pockets, or even in the shoes. This is a smart way of taking their attention away from whining to a more positive attitude. This also saves you the need to shout and be heard. Most children find the manners quite quickly.

After this little game, you can bring them back to the instruction you had earlier given and get that done whether it is finishing the meal or apologizing to the sister for thumping her!

The 'manners chair' is a positive way of telling your child what is expected of him. More often than not, children disobey instructions when they are not clearly given. Remember, manners are not taught in a day. You have to keep repeating and reinforcing them with awards and punishments. This is a fun way of doing it.

You will need to maintain a fine balance between fun and serious correction of behavior. Don't let it become too much of a game by giving a lot of attention to find their manners. Watch your child intently and act accordingly. If it is getting serious, bring in the fun; if it's becoming funny, drive home the purpose of the manners chair.

This will help you in more ways than one. You won't start yelling and losing your temper, which only exposes your weakness to them. And, it helps to put an end to inappropriate behavior. Make sure you remain calm and positive. Let the child feel that you care a lot but there are certain things not admissible, and such acts of misbehavior are an aberration that can be easily corrected to get back to normal life.

One of the most difficult situations parents face is when your child misbehaves in public. Here too, follow the same rule as everywhere else: say what you mean, and follow up with action.

So, how do you time out in public? Three options: 1. Sit them down in the aisle and do a kind of "manners chair" in which no one is going anywhere else until he has found his manners.

2. You could take him out in the car and stand out, looking away, till he finds his manners. It's best to be absolutely quiet and avoid any discussion on the subject.

3. The last resort is to cancel the outing and go home to the manners chair.

You will only have to do this a few times before they get the message that you mean business in public just as you do at home. While doing all of this, remember to stay calm and in control. Getting into a lather about it all will just make things worse rather than better.

You will find all this and much more in my book. Here is the link - you can get started today.